Wordy Thursday - Spamalot

When you get spam mail the subject line often consists of two randomly generated words. One morning I found an email in my Inbox on this apparent subject:

Leper Foreskin

I don't get much spam now but that gloriously gruesome twosome made me start collecting other random pairings as they started to pop into my JunkMail. None reached the heights (or depths) of Leper Foreskin but several presented an apt or otherwise pleasing combination; a few sounded like prog rock band names. Anyway, here are the others I collected till my spam filter improved:

Handsome Unbelievable

Enchanted Clergyman

Fruitfly Ephemeral

Obligation Hilltop

Oyster Tongs

Succor Translucent

Entertainment Warmonger

Muppet Mortal

Surfboard Hypochondria

Thyroid Trashcan

Generalized Spongecake

Sneak King

and

Dog Nonchalantly.

Then I got a few with more complicated subject lines, starting with 'Separate yourself from other men', which naturally amused me, but then reaching new heights of surrealism with:

The crab tower, the crab cakes, the beer

and

And here's an excellent knitted plush squid from Sonya.

Finally I got classily insulted with: Snotty upstart bug-eyed alewife. Fair comment.

There were a few good randomly generated names attached to some of the above subject lines, including: Norbert Grimes, Leonard Dowdy, Roberta Boggs, Fabian Looney, Madison Pooh, Violet Colon, Tiffany Boykin, Hung Marshall and Nicholas Ponce, whose subject line was simply 'Lower Class'. I also got an apparent email from one Darwin Charles who told me in the subject line: 'I Wanted to Give Someone a Sexually Transmitted Disease'.

And of course no collection of spam would be complete without the adverts for penis-enlargement gizmos. The subject lines intended to attract the smaller man ranged through the crude to the wannabe corporate to the almost poetic. Here are my favourites:

There's no need to enumerate all the advantages of the thicker penis

Make your trouser snake look like a real Royal Python

Sail down the love canal more confidently

Beat her womb with your new big rod, so she knows who wears the pants!

And if that last one was still too subtle, this one got straight to the point:

Don't you think it's time you stopped being a loser with a tiny penis?

Hard sell, eh.